


Of Love and Regret

by TacoCat2020



Category: Swimming RPF
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-17
Updated: 2014-12-17
Packaged: 2018-03-01 20:44:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2787119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TacoCat2020/pseuds/TacoCat2020
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael's new girlfriend Carly is an aspiring model.  He keeps trying to convince himself that he's happy, despite warnings from his friends that she may be using him.  One night, Allison makes a confession that makes Michael reconsider everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The joke that Allison and Michael both tell a few times is the joke that Ted told in Season 5, Episode 2 of How I Met Your Mother

**(Michael's POV)**

I hoisted myself out of the water after a long day at practice. I felt tired, which was a sign that I had pushed myself. It made me feel good. With each day that goes by, I gain more and more confidence in my times and ability to hit my walls. I’m really starting to feel like my old self again. I’m still having so much fun, I lost most of the weight that I put on during my temporary retirement, and I feel happier and healthier than I have in a long time. I have a new girlfriend. I'm not sure how I feel about her yet, but I think I'm happy. Things are good. I walked over to the bleachers and picked up my towel. I dried myself off, then tied the towel at my hips.

I looked up and saw Allison coming out of the Women’s locker room, wearing her headphones, and singing along to the song that was playing on her iPod. “I’m gonna swiiiiiiing from the chandelier!” she loudly sang along with Sia while doing a little dance. She was completely unaware that she had an audience as she laughed, danced, and sang.

I watched her and smiled. Good ‘ol Schmitty. She’s always having a good time, always making people laugh, and not giving a damn what anyone thinks. I love that about her. I love that she knows who she is and never puts up a front for anyone.

I glanced over and saw Bob watching me watch Allison. He smiled and shook his head. He has this crazy idea that Allison and I are in love with each other. It’s silly. Allison and I are best friends, nothing more. 

He walked over to me as I headed for the Men’s locker room. “Good work today, Michael!”, he said to me, snapping me out of my daze. “You’ve made a lot of progress. I’m proud of you.”

Even though I had seen him coming, I still jumped at the sound of Bob’s voice. “Thanks, Bob”, I replied. “I’m feeling good. I still have a long way to get where I want to be, though.”

“We’ll make it happen, kid.” Bob said, patting me on the back. “We always do.

After I showered and changed, I walked out to the parking lot. My phone dinged with a new message from my girlfriend, Carly.

**Hey Babe! just got into bmore! heading to your place now!!! can’t wait to see you!**

I felt my stomach twist. I sighed. I still wasn’t sure how to feel about this new relationship. I want to be happy. I’ve been having a lot of fun with Carly, but I feel like something is missing. I took a deep breath and sent off a reply. **Great! On my way home. Want me to pick you up at the airport?**

Carly replied. **No, it’s ok. already in the cab. See you soon!**

I sighed again. **Ok. Looking forward to it!**

Carly replied. **Yay!! LOVE YOUUUUU!**

Suddenly I had an awful, sour taste in my mouth. I swallowed, trying to push the feeling away. I’m really not ready to say it back, and even if I had been ready, I was worried that a screenshot of anything I said would end up all over her social media accounts in a matter of minutes. I’m not ready for that kind of exposure. Relationships are personal, and I like to keep things that way. After some of my past experiences having the whole world watching my personal life, I prefer to keep a low profile. I sighed again and replied with a smiling emoji, and headed for my car.

I heard footsteps behind me. “Hey, Mike!”, Allison called. I smiled at the sound of her voice. She came up from behind me and touched my shoulder.

I turned around. I smiled. “Schmitty!”, I exclaimed, giving her a hug. She’s such a great friend. Sometimes, after a rough day at practice, or if I’m stressed out about other things, giving her a huge hug is the best part of my day. I puffed out my cheek and let out a small laugh. “I loved your little song and dance number back there!” I said with a wink.

Allison made a face, then smiled a little bit. “You saw that?”, she asked, slightly embarrassed.

I nodded, and gently pushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear.. “I did, and it was adorable”, I told her. “You always make me smile.”

Allison laughed. “Thanks”, she said. “I’m glad there’s at least one person who doesn’t think I’m completely nuts!”

“You’re not nuts. You’re perfect.”, I said, surprising myself with my choice of words. “You did a great job at practice today, Schmitty. You’ve been working really hard. I’m so proud of you.”

Allison smiled, almost sadly. “Thanks, Mike", she said. "You too. You’re doing really well too. You look good and you seem happy. It makes me really happy to see you smiling all the time.”

“Thanks, Schmitty” I said, my smile wide. “That means a lot coming from you” I paused, looking her over. What is going on with her? She looks miserable. I hate seeing her like that. “Hey, you seem sad. What’s wrong?”, I asked her.

Allison looked up at me, her big brown eyes full of emotion. She forced a smile, and shook her head. "I'm okay", she said.

“Schmitty?” I asked again, hoping that she’d open up to me. I put my hand on her shoulder. “What’s going on? Tell me.”

Allison sighed and shook her head. “It’s nothing, Mike", she said. "I’m just upset.”

I know she was really bummed about missing out on coming to PanPacs this year. She struggled a little bit at Nationals, but she’s so talented and such a hard worker. I know she’ll bounce back. “Because you didn’t get to go to PanPacs this year, you mean?” I asked gently.

“Yeah. yeah. i’m upset about PanPacs”, Allison said sadly, but in a way that told me that she wasn’t telling me everything. I watched as a tear fell down her cheek. That hurt a lot. I hate to see Allison so sad. I know she didn’t want me to see her tears, because she quickly wiped it away. “It just… It sucked not being there”, she said sadly.

_Yes. It did suck. I would have loved it if she was there._

“It did suck”, I agreed. “I would have loved to have you there with us.” I took a deep breath before continuing. “You… your presence keeps me calm, Schmitty. It always has.” I said to her as I gave her another hug.

“Thanks, Mike”, Allison said sadly, as she buried her face in my shoulder.

_I know she’s not just upset about PanPacs. There’s something else on her mind. Why won’t she talk to me?_

“Is something else bothering you?”, I asked, eyeing her carefully. “Come on, Allison. You can tell me.”

Allison shook her head. “No. No. It’s nothing”, she said. She was still trying to smile, but it was no use. She could tell that I already sensed that she was hiding something. That was both an advantage and disadvantage to spending so much time with someone. There came a point when they knew everything about you. Sometimes I knew how Allison was feeling before she told me about it. There have been times when she knew what I was thinking before telling her.

“Schmitty?” I questioned gently. “Whatever it is, you can tell me. We’re supposed to be best friends. Just talk to me. Please. It makes me sad to see you so unhappy.”

Allison smiled sadly and shook her head. “I don’t want to burden you with my problems", she said. "I’m sure you have too much else on your mind. Carly is getting here today, right? Tell her I said hi, okay?”

_Carly. That’s the last thing I want to talk about right now._

I tried to smile. “Yeah. Yeah. She just got in. She’s on her way to my place now.” I said. I paused, thinking over what I wanted to say. “Hey, I have an idea! Why don’t you come over tonight? I’m sure she’d love to see you. She really likes you, you know. She always asks about you.”

Allison tried to smile. “No, that’s okay", she said. "I appreciate the offer… Carly is awesome and I’m happy for you guys. I don’t want to interrupt your alone time though.”

 _What does she mean by that?_ I jokingly pouted at her. “I really want to hang out with you, Schmitty”, I said.

Allison touched my shoulder. “I want to hang out with you too, but you have a girlfriend", she said sadly. "Things are different. It’s always different with us… when you have someone.”

_Wait What?_

“Schmitty, come on. Please?” I begged.

Allison shook her head. “I don’t think so", she said. "Not tonight. Maybe another time.”

Why is she so upset? Did I do something to make her mad?

I took a deep breath. “Allie, are you mad at me?", I asked. "I mean… ever since I started dating Carly, you’ve been kind of distant. It makes me feel like you’re pulling away from me. I don’t want anything to hurt our friendship. I care about you a lot, Schmitty. I know in the past things have gotten weird between us…” I trailed off, hoping she would jump in with her own comments.

Allison turned red. “Because of my ridiculous crush on you, you mean?”, she asked with a laugh.

_Woah Woah Woah. WHAT?!?_

I didn’t know how to respond to that, so I didn't answer her. Instead, I gave her another hug, and gently kissed her on the cheek. “Okay, how about this", I said. "I’ll go home tonight and hang out with Carly. Tomorrow night, you and I are going out for a special dinner. Just the two of us. We can go to Mama’s or any where else you want. We haven't hung out forever, and I need Schmitty time.”

“That sounds great, Mike. I’d really like that.” Allison said with a smile. “Are you sure Carly won’t mind?”

_I don’t think Carly will mind. Even if she does, I don’t care. Schmitty’s my friend. My BEST friend. I can eat dinner with anyone I want._

I shook my head. “No, not at all”, I said adamantly. “We’re friends, Schmitty. Carly knows that. Just because I have a girlfriend, doesn’t mean that I can’t enjoy a nice night out with my best friend.”

Allison looked up at me with a small smile and nodded. “Okay. It’s a date!", she said, finally smiling. It was a real smile this time. The famous Schmitty Smile that I've seen nearly every day for several years, and for some reason made my heart skip a beat this time. I mean… You know what I mean.”

_She’s so cute when she’s nervous._

I laughed. “No, calling it a date is fine with me", I said. "I’m looking forward to this.”

“Me too”, Allison said. 

I smiled. “This will be great", I said. "We haven’t had much time together lately. I’m excited to hang out with you. I’ll text you tonight or tomorrow morning and we can figure out a plan.”

“Great”, Allison said with a smile. She paused. “So, do you love her?” she asked suddenly.

_Oh Shit. Do I love Carly? I don’t know… I mean, she’s pretty and fun and the sex is great…_

I looked at her. I ran my fingers through my hair. “I want to”, I said quietly. “I like spending time with her, and I’m eager to see where it goes. I don’t think I’m quite at the love stage yet, though. I know she wants me to say it, but…”

“Don’t do or say anything that you’re not ready for”, Allison said, looking directly into my eyes.

_Shit._

I laughed. “You sound like a sex ed teacher” I said, shaking my head. “I’m just kidding”, I added when I saw the look on her face. “I appreciate it, and you’re right. You’re always right, Schmitty.”

While we were chatting, Conor came out to the parking lot to join us. He started lightly punching me on the arm. “Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike. Guess what day it is?”, he said, doing his best impersonation of the camel from the commercial.

Allison burst out laughing. “Well… it’s not hump day…”, she said.

Conor winked and nudged me. “Well, not hump day in the way that the camel from the commercial meant it…”, he said, grinning.

I made a face and laughed. “I have weird friends”, I commented. “Okay. I give up. What day is it, Dwyer?”

Conor winked again. “Isn’t today the day that your lady friend gets here?”, he asked. His voice went up when he said ‘lady friend’ and he laughed at himself. 

Allison shook her head and rolled her eyes, but she was smiling.

I stared at the ground, feeling a little bit uncomfortable. “Yes. Carly is getting here today. She just got in and is already on her way to the house”, I replied. I lowered my eyes at Conor. “Be nice to her. I think I might like this one.”

Conor made a face at me, and I’m not sure what that look meant. He didn’t say anything, even though it looked like he wanted to.

Allison put her hand on my back. “Come on, Conor. Give Mike a break", Allison said. "Carly’s a nice girl. We should be happy for him.”

“Okay, Okay. Sorry, dude.” Conor said, offering me a smile and trying to stifle his laughter.

I rolled my eyes and laughed. “It’s fine. At this point, I’m used to you guys making fun of the girls I date”, I replied.

“Yeah, because the girls you date are horrible”, Conor replied, still trying to keep a straight face.

_And just what is that supposed to mean? The girls I date are… Okay, a lot of the girls I’ve dated haven’t been nice to my family and friends. A lot have used me for my money. Some of them have been nice though. Carly’s one of them, right?_

I ignored Conor’s comment and said, “Anyway, I need to get going", I said. "Dwyer, I’ll see you at the house in a bit. Schmitty, tomorrow? I’ll text you, okay?”

Allison nodded. “Sounds great", she said. "Have fun tonight, okay? Say hi to Carly for me.”

I smiled. “Will do, Schmitty”, I said. I turned to leave, and got into my car.


	2. Chapter 2

**(Allison’s POV)**

 

I watched as Michael headed for his car. Conor looked at me with wide eyes. He crossed his arms. “Okay, Schmitt. Let’s talk”, he said.

I smiled. “Sure, Con. What’s up?”, I asked.

Conor was still staring at me. “How are you so okay with all of this?” he asked. “It has to be killing you to see Mike with this girl.”

_Why, yes. Yes, it does suck seeing the man I’m in love with dating yet another fame whore. But, Mike’s my best friend and I have to put on a brave face for him. I can’t cry over this in front of him. I have to pretend to like Carly for his sake._

 

I shrugged and smiled, despite feeling like complete and utter crap. “He’s my best friend. He really likes Carly”, I said sadly.

Conor smiled at me. “Yeah well, spoiler alert. It won’t last”, he said.

I shook my head. “If Mike is happy, that’s all I care about. His happiness is more important than anything else”, I said, trying to sound like I meant it.

Conor shook his head at me, his arms still crossed. “No. I don’t buy it. Allison, you are the sweetest person in the world", he said. "You’re so nice to everyone, and you always put everyone else’s happiness ahead of your own. Isn’t time that you did something for yourself?” He paused, and looked at me, waiting for me to respond. “You like him, right?” 

“Well… yeah. I do. I’ve had a crush on him forever, but it’s not like it would ever go anywhere” I said.

“You don’t know that”, Conor replied. “You need to go for it. You said that you want Mike to be happy, but what about your own happiness? Go out on a limb. You don’t know that you’ll fall.”

“Exactly”, I said. “What if I fall?”

Conor smiled and shrugged. “What if you don’t?”, he asked and patted my arm. “Think about it.”

 

**(Michael’s POV)**

As I walked up the stairs, I heard laughter coming from inside the house. I turned the key, opened the door and walked in. Jeff was leaning against the counter, drinking a beer, and chatting with Carly. Her light brown hair was pulled back partway, with the waves falling down her back. Her outfit was cute, but casual. She was wearing these tight gray jeans that showed off her long, slim legs, and a light pink t-shirt. When she moved, her shirt lifted a bit, displaying the tan skin of her flat stomach.

_Wow. She looks beautiful._

Jeff caught my eye as I walked in, and nodded at Carly, who turned around. When she saw me, she squealed and ran towards me. She threw her arms around me, and I lifted her up slightly. As I spun her around, I kissed her, and set her back down.

Carly’s dachshund, Lila, skittered across the floor. Stella followed behind sniffing Lila’s backside. Stella was usually very affectionate with humans and animals alike, but seemed uncertain about having this other dog in the house. Herman had made his opinion known by laying on the floor across the room. If it were possible for a dog to pout, Herman had perfected that art.

“You brought Lila!”, I said, trying to sound enthusiastic.

“Yeah. That’s okay, right, Babe?” Carly asked. “You love dogs.”

“Oh, yeah. it’s fine. I’m just surprised. I just don’t know how Herman and Stella will react. That’s all.” I replied, hoping I sounded convincing. “How are you? How was your flight?”

“It wasn’t bad. I didn’t have any delays this time, so that was good. Mike, you really look great.”, Carly said, with a smile as she took my hand, and stepped back to look me over. "You lost more weight."

“Thanks, Carly. I feel really good”, I said. I smiled, kissing her again. I had my hand on her waist. With my thumb, I gently rubbed the small strip of skin that was visible between the hem of her shirt and the waistband of her jeans. I leaned down and kissed her collarbone. “and you look even more beautiful than ever”, I mumbled into her neck.

_She’s so beautiful. I hope her modeling career takes off. I know how happy it would make her._

“You smell like a pool”, Carly commented. “You’re um… you’re going to shower before we leave for dinner, right?”

_Ouch._

“I did shower”, I protested, sounding a bit more whiny than I intended to. “but I swim every day, so the smell is going to linger. That’s kind of something you have to deal with when you’re dating a swimmer.”

Carly wrinkled her nose. “I just… hate the smell of chlorine.” she said quietly. “Go shower again.”

I stared at her, not knowing what to say. “I don’t really know how to respond to that”, I said stiffly.

_I really didn’t mean to snap at her. Where are these emotions coming from?_

I paused, then added tersely, “By the way, I’m having dinner with Allison tomorrow night.”

Carly blinked, then relaxed slightly. “Great!", she said. "That sounds like fun. Allie’s _so_ adorable. I’m looking forward to seeing her.”

I shook my head. “No, Carly", I said. " _I’m_ having dinner with Allison. She’s my best friend and I never get to see her outside of practice anymore. I want to spend time with her. I promised her we could get together for dinner, and tomorrow night works for both me and her so…”

“Oh”, Carly said, looking down. “So, while you’re out with her, I guess I’ll just hang out here by myself then?”

_Maybe having Carly visit for a few days was a bad idea. She’s been here for five minutes and I’m already annoyed._

I shrugged. “I guess. Do whatever you want”, I said. I turned and walked towards my bedroom.

“Where are you going?” Carly asked me.

“Getting rid of the chlorine smell that you can’t handle”, I spat. I walked into my bedroom, and over to the bureau with clenched fists. I took a deep breath and unclenched my fists. I placed my palms on the bureau and took another breath. I picked up a bottle of cologne from my bureau and sprayed it.

Herman trudged along behind me, into my room. He looked up at me and snorted, which is his way of letting me know that someone loves me. (at least that’s what I like to think Herman’s snorts mean.)

“You don’t think I smell, do you, Buddy?” I asked as I knelt down to scratch Herman behind his ears.

Herman responded by grunting and pressing his wet nose against my bare feet.

Jeff walked up to the doorway. “What's up, Skinny?”, he asked, and I smiled, recalling the silly nickname he's called me for as long as we've known each other. He started coughing. “Woah, what happened in here?”

I rolled my eyes and stood up. “Trying to get rid of the chlorine smell”, I grumbled.

Jeff made a face at me. “Dude, are you okay?”, he asked.

_Why are all of my friends so worried about me? Everyone always asks if I’m okay. Do I not look okay?_

“Yeah. I’m fine. I’m just annoyed.” I said, forcing myself to smile. 

Jeff walked into the room. He took a deep breath and lowered his voice. “Listen, man", he said. We’ve been friends for a long time, and I’ve always tried to keep my mouth shut about your love life…”

I burst out laughing. “No, you haven’t!” I exclaimed.

Jeff laughed. “Okay, okay. You’re right", he admitted sheepishly. "So where did you find this one?”

“She was doing a photo shoot for a magazine or something in the hotel in Santa Clara when I was there for the Grand Prix. We met in the hotel bar and started talking, and we had some drinks, then I went up to her room and we… spent the night together”, I replied recalling that first night, and how much I enjoyed it. "The sex was... yeah."

“Photo shoot?” Jeff asked. “So she’s a model?”

I nodded. “Yeah", I said. "Well, she wants to be. She’s still trying to get her name out there so she can get more jobs.”

“Dude”, Jeff said, shaking his head.

I looked at him. “What?”, I asked.

“Another one?”, he asked.

I shrugged. “Yeah, but that’s not all she is", I said sounding more defensive than I meant to. "I have a lot of fun when I’m around her. That night in Santa Clara…”

Jeff made a face and held up his hands to stop me. “I don’t need the details, man”, he said with a laugh. “I just worry about you.”

“Well don’t”, I said, still feeling defensive.

Jeff looked at me for a second, and I wondered what he was thinking. “You’re one of my best friends, Mike. You’re the hardest worker I know. You’re a good person. I want you to be happy. You deserve that” he said.

I relaxed a little bit and smiled. “Thanks, Jeff. That means a lot. And I am happy.”

_Am I?_

“Okay. Good”, he said as he turned to leave. Then he turned around again and walked back towards me. “Look, man. I just think… Dude, the girls you date just aren’t… They’re not right for you, man. Don’t you think you’d be happier with someone like, oh I don’t know. Allison? You know you love her.”

_Why does everyone think Allison and I love each other? I mean, we do love each other, but as friends. Why does everyone think I should date her? I’d just screw it up._

I shook my head and tried to get Allison out of my thoughts. “I need to try to make this work with Carly”, I said.

“Is that really want you want?”, Jeff asked.

_I just want to be happy._

“I’m not in love with Allison!” I said, avoiding Jeff’s question.

“Yes you are!” said Conor, who had just appeared in my doorway.


	3. Chapter 3

**(Michael’s POV)**

Later that evening, I was in my room getting ready for my fancy dinner with Carly. I was still trying to get Allison out of my thoughts. I put on a pair of gray dress pants, a brand new white shirt, that I’m sure won’t stay white for very long since I spill everything, and a blue tie that Mom gave me for my most recent birthday. I had lost so much weight, that my pants were a little big on me, but it was too late to do anything about it now, so I tightened my belt another notch and hoped that they'd stay in place for the night. Carly wore this white dress with a swirly gray design on it. The hem was short in some places, and longer in others. It had a low neckline, and it hugged her body in all the right places. I don't really know anything about clothes, but my God, she looked amazing. Once we were dressed and ready, we left for dinner. A little while later, we were sitting in an intimate booth at The Prime Rib, a swanky steakhouse in the Belvedere section of Baltimore. 

_I don’t really eat red meat that much anymore, but I like to have it as a treat once in a while. Plus, this place is really nice and we have a lot of privacy back here._

I looked at my beautiful girlfriend sitting across from me, and my anger and frustration from the incident earlier started to drift away. I started to think that I might like this girl. I smiled at her. She looked at me from across the table and smiled back.

“I’m really sorry, Mike.” Carly began. “I really didn’t mean to insult you earlier.”

I nodded. “I know you didn’t", I said. I took a deep breath before continuing. "It just that your comment kind of hit a nerve. For a long time, especially leading up to London, I really hated swimming, and everything to do with it. I couldn’t wait to be done. Taking a break was nice for a while. It gave me some time to think a lot of things through. During that time, I realized that there was so much that I missed. I missed being in the water. I missed the competition. I missed my teammates. I even missed smelling like chlorine all the time. I know that sounds crazy, but it was my life for so long. Being away from it made me feel like something was missing from my life. Being back in the water has made me happier than I’ve been in a long time. When you made that comment, it just kind of felt like a punch in the gut. It made me feel like you don’t support my career.” 

_Wow. I never pour my heart out like that. I usually don’t talk about things on my mind to anyone. Except Mom. And Allison. Damn it. Why am I thinking about Allison again?_

I paused. “I never talk about my feelings”, I said, feeling slightly embarrassed. 

She nodded and took a sip of her drink. “I really didn’t mean to make you feel that way", she said. "I was just making a stupid comment. I feel so bad for upsetting you. I promise I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I respect you and I support your career. I hope you know that. And I’m glad you felt like you could talk about it with me. I hope we can be more open like that with each other in the future.”

_Aww… That was actually really sweet. She seems really respectful of me and my career. She won’t be like some of the others who used my fame for the exposure. That’s what I’m going to keep trying to convince myself of._

I smiled. “Thanks, Carly. I appreciate that. I’m sorry for getting upset and snapping at you. There’s just a lot to get used to being back in the pool. I still have so much that I need to work on. When I feel like I’m not doing my best, I get really frustrated with myself. Sometimes I take that out on other people or take things the wrong way. Just ask Conor or Allison.”

I noticed that Carly flinched at the mention of Allison’s name. Then she reached across the table, and took my hand.

_Wow. Her skin is so soft._

“It’s okay, Babe. So, we’re good?”, She asked as she looked me in the eyes.

I smiled. “Yeah. We’re great”, I said.

Carly smiled back at me. “Good. I’m really glad I met you that night in Santa Clara", she said. "Dating a celebrity is so awesome. I like spending time with you. I really want this to work out.”

_What does she mean by that? That isn’t the only reason why she’s with me, is it? I’ve already dealt with that too many times. I’m more than my medals and my bank account. I’m a good guy and I just want to find someone special to share my life with._

I felt uncomfortable about the ‘dating a celebrity’ comment, but I squeezed her hand and smiled. “Me too, Carly", I said. "I… love you.”

_Shit. Shit. Shit. Why did I say that? It’s way too soon. It’s only been a few months. Oh well. I can’t take it back now._

Carly’s face lit up. “I love you too!” she exclaimed. “I’m so glad you finally said it!”

_Well, now I feel like an asshole._

Carly looked at the menu. "I can't eat anything here", she said. "I'm a vegan."

I looked at her, confused. Why were we at a steakhouse then? "Baby, why did you want to come here?", I asked. "We could have gone somewhere else. I want you to be able to find something you like."

Carly shrugged. "It's fancy", she said. "I like fancy restaurants. I can get a salad."

I hesitated. "Are you sure?", I asked. "We can leave and go somewhere else if you want."

Carly smiled and shook her head. "It's fancy here", she said. "I bet a lot of interesting people come here and if they do, they'll see me with you, and maybe people will wonder who I am. I like being noticed."

"Ooookaayyy", I said.

"What are you going to get?", she asked. 

"Steak", I said. "Seems like a good thing to get at a steak house."

"But you don't eat red meat, baby", she said. "Aren't you on a diet?"

I hesitated. "I mean, I watch what I eat", I said. "But it's not really a diet, per se. I haven't been eating a ton of red meat lately, but I like it once in a while."

We ate our dinner mostly in silence, then went back to my house and had a few drinks before going to bed.

 

***

The next morning, I opened my eyes, and stretched my arms. Next to me, Carly was still sound asleep. I reached over and picked up my phone from the nightstand and sent a text to Allison. **schmitty! We’re still on for dinner tonight right?**

Allison responded a few minutes later. **Yup! what time you thinking?**

**MP - Want to meet me outside my place at 7:30 or I can pick u up?**

**AS- meeting at ur place sounds good. Where do you want to eat?**

**MP - I was thinking Mama’s but we always go there. Want to try something different?**

**AS - Sure. I’m up for anything**

**MP - Cool. I'll do some searchin online or somethin 2 find somethin different. We’ll figure it out. See u tonight.**

**AS - Great! See u then!**

 

I smiled as I put my phone back on the nightstand. Next to me, Carly was coming out of a deep sleep. “Good Morning!” I whispered, gently stroking her shoulder with my fingertips.

Carly stretched and turned to face me. She yawned, then ran a hand along my bare chest and kissed me. “Morning”, she said, smiling as she opened her eyes a little wider. 

I kissed her, and pulled her close to me, content to spend a little more time lying in bed with her in my arms.

_I don’t know why I was worried. I could get used to this._

 

***

Later that evening, I was getting ready for my dinner with Allison. It was unseasonably cool for late August, so I had decided on a pair of dark jeans, a plaid button down shirt, and a grey sweater. 

_I really need to get some new clothes. Everything is too big now._

I fastened my belt, put on my glasses, and put my wallet in my pocket. I also had a small gift for Allison sitting on my bureau. I wrapped it in a piece of cloth, and stuck it in my back pocket. I walked into the living room. Conor was sitting on the couch with his laptop. The TV was on, but he wasn’t paying attention to it. He looked up at me.

“Have fun with Schmitty tonight!” he said with a smile. “Are you guys going to Mama’s? I don’t know why I’m even asking. That’s your spot!”

I smiled back. “No, we’re actually branching out and trying something different this time. We’re going to Of Love and Regret, over on Conkling Street”, I replied.

Conor made a face and burst out laughing. 

_Why is he laughing at me?_

“What? What’s so funny?” I asked him, thoroughly confused.

“You’re going to a restaurant called Of Love and Regret - with Allison - and you don’t see the irony in that?” Conor asked.

I rolled my eyes. “Allison is amazing, but I already told you", I said. "She and I are just friends. It’s better that way. I’m not in love with her.”

“Oh, but you are!”, Conor said trying and failing to hide his smile. “I know it. Jeff knows it. Bob knows it. Your mom knows it. Everyone except for you and Allison know it” 

I shrugged. “You keep believing what you want to believe, Dwyer!”, I said, failing to hide a smile of my own.


	4. Chapter 4

**(Allison’s POV)**

I got out of the shower and went into my room. I went over to my computer and opened up Pandora. I clicked on a station and listened to some music while I stood in my room trying to figure out what to wear for my dinner with Michael. I wanted to look nice, but I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard. I don’t know why it was even an issue. I know that Michael will never see me the way I see him.

After I put the finishing touches on my makeup, I spritzed on a little bit of one of my favorite Victoria’s Secret scents. I looked at the pile of clothes strewn all over my bed. I sighed. None of the outfits that I tried seemed to work.

_What is wrong with me? It’s dinner with Michael. It’s not like it’s something I’ve never done before. I guess I just want to wear something special._

I sighed, and slipped into a pair of red skinny jeans and a black blouse. It’s one of my favorite outfits, an old standby when I can’t think of anything else to wear. Plus, my beloved Georgia Bulldogs are starting their season soon, so I have to show my Black and Red pride. I finished off the outfit with a white scarf and a black purse. I put on my white flats and headed out the door.

I decided to take a cab over to Michael’s place. I wasn’t in the mood for fighting traffic and trying to find a parking spot on the street in Canton. I had some time to think during the ride over to Michael’s house. I was thinking about how I feel about him, and how much it hurts to see him with someone else. It hurts being just friends.

_After dinner tonight, I think I need to tell him exactly how I feel about our friendship and how much it hurts to see him with Carly, how much it hurts that he and I aren’t together._

When I got out of the cab, I walked up the door to Michael’s house. I rang the bell for his intercom, told him I was there, and he said that he was on his way downstairs. I heard his feet on the stairs, and he opened the door to greet me. He was wearing a light gray sweater and these dark jeans that always look so good on him. They were a little big on him, since he's gotten so thin lately, but he looked good. He seems so happy being back in the water. The collar of his purple and white plaid shirt peeked out over the collar of his sweater. He was wearing his glasses. I love how he looks in glasses. My heart skipped a beat when I saw him.

_Wow. He looks really good tonight. He looks so good in purple._

“Schmitty!” he greeted me, giving me a big hug. “You look beautiful!”

“Thanks, Mike. You look great” I told him. “I like the purple.”

He smiled. “Gotta support my Ravens!” he said, his hazel eyes twinkling. “I see you’re repping your Dawgs!”

“You know it!” I replied with a laugh.

_My heart is pounding. I love this man so much. How am I supposed to tell him? How do I tell him that I want him to be with me and not her? How do I tell him that his smile - the way his whole face crinkles - makes me so happy, even on bad days? How do I tell him that every time he touches me I feel like I’m going to go crazy? How do I tell him that being just friends hurts too damn much?_

Michael was giving me a funny look. “Schmitty?” he said, snapping me out of my deep thoughts. “You okay?”

“Great!”, I lied, forcing myself to smile. “Let’s go eat.”

Michael wrapped an arm around my shoulders and smiled down at me. “I thought we could take a walk first”, he suggested.

My heart skipped a beat. “Sure”, I said with a smile.

 

**(Michael’s POV)**

Allison met me at my house. She looked absolutely beautiful. She’s my best friend, and she always manages to make my jaw drop. When she met me at my house to leave for dinner, I asked her if she wanted to take a walk before dinner. She agreed, and we decided to take a walk along the harbor. We talked for a long time about nothing and everything all at once. It’s so easy with Allison. She’s so smart, funny, beautiful, and so full of life. I feel so at ease when I’m with her and I feel like I can tell her anything. I consider myself very lucky to call her my friend.

After our walk, we headed back to my house to pick up my car and drive to dinner. I parked the car, then led Allison into the the restaurant. We sat down in a booth, ordered some drinks, and looked over the menu.

Allison peeked at me over the top of the menu. She was smiling and wiggling her eyebrows. “Do you want to share the shrimp appetizer?” she asked.

_Anything for you, Beautiful._

“Sure. That sounds great”, I said with a smile. “You can have anything you want, Schmitty.”

Allison nodded. “Cool", she said. "Because if you didn’t want to share, that would be shellfish of you!” Then she burst out laughing at her own silly joke.

I paused, then made a face. I shook my head and laughed. “Schmitty, you are so weird. I love it.”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment”, Allison replied, grinning.

I smiled and reached across the table, and touched her wrist. “It’s definitely a compliment”, I said softly, with a small smile.

Allison looked down at my hand on her wrist. She gently touched my fingers with her free hand. She suddenly turned bright red and stopped stroking my fingers.

_Keep going. It’s okay._

She pulled her hand away and looked up at me. “So, you never filled me in on the details from Pan Pacs”, she began. “I mean, I watched some of the prelims, and followed updates on Twitter… there are some really awesome fans out there! But I never got your side of the story. How was it? Was it everything you wanted it to be?”

“Do you really want to hear about it, Schmitty?” I asked gently. “I just thought that with everything that’s been happening, it would be a sore subject.”

Allison shrugged. “I mean… It sucks, but I’m happy for all of you guys and I want the details!” She paused, as if she was waiting for me to start talking. “Tell me everything!”, she added enthusiastically.

I smiled. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I had been hesitant to bring it up. I was glad that she wanted to know about it, because I never get tired of talking about how great that weekend was. “Okay. Well, first of all, being back in international competition was amazing. It was such a thrill. I knew I missed it, but I guess I didn’t realize just how much I missed it until I was there, in the middle of the action. You know? It just felt really good to be back.”

Allison nodded. She looked down at the table with a small smile. “I know”, she said quietly. I saw the pictures that Hil posted. I could see it in your face.”

I wasn’t really sure how to respond to that. It caught me a little bit off guard. There aren’t many people who just get me the way Allison does. I opened my mouth to speak, and the words caught in my throat. “You know me so well, Schmitty”, I said, smiling slightly. “Almost too well at times.”

Allison smiled and nodded. “Yeah", she said. "Your eyes give you away, Mike.”

_Woah. She just did it again. How does she do it? I feel like she knows me better than I know myself._

I still didn’t know how to respond, so I just kept talking. “I loved being back on relay teams with the guys too, and it was nice to be on the podium again", I said. "It felt good to get a couple of wins.”

“I wish I could have been there”, Allison said quietly.

“I wish you were there too, Schmitty”, I said. “You’re so talented, and you work so hard. Your time will come. I promise you that. You’re going to do so well over the next two years, and when we go to Rio, you’re going to blow everyone away, even more so than you did in London.”

Allison looked up and met my eyes. “Thanks, Mike”, she said. “That’s really sweet of you to say. I really appreciate all of your support and encouragement. I don’t think I could have gotten through half of the stuff I’ve gone through these past few years if it wasn’t for you.”

I smiled warmly at her. “Of course", I said. "Anything for you, Schmitty. You’ve helped me with a lot too.” I looked into her big brown eyes for a moment, then suddenly snapped out of my daze and said, “Hey, I have a present for you.”

“For me?”, Allison asked, surprised. “You brought me a present?”

_I hope she likes it. I hope she doesn’t think it’s stupid or cheesy. It’s just something that I want her to have._


	5. Chapter 5

**(Allison’s POV)**

He nodded. “Uh-huh”, He said smiling widely as he pulled something wrapped in cloth out of his pocket, and handed it to me. I unfolded the cloth to reveal a gold medal.

_What? Is he crazy? I can’t take this._

“Mike…” I whispered. “What?…Why…You…” I was having trouble forming complete sentences. I continued to stutter as Michael watched me expectantly, his big smile reaching all the way to his eyes. 

"Do you like it?", he asked.

“This is one of your Pan Pacs medals.” I whispered, still trying to get over my shock.

Michael nodded. “Yeah", he said. "I know you would have gotten a whole bunch of your own if you had been there with us. Since you didn’t get to be there this time, I wanted you to have one of mine.”

Michael has always been so good to me, but this… this was different. It was such a simple gesture, but it meant so much. I had never been so touched before. It was the simple and sweet moments that reminded me why I love him so much. The simple and sweet moments also made it that much harder to accept that he’ll never see me the way I see him. A tear rolled down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it away, not wanting him to see. I smiled. “Mike, I can’t take this", I said. "This is yours”

“And now it belongs to you”, Michael said softly. “Please take it, Schmitty. I want you to have it. Think of it as a souvenir from Australia.” He shrugged. “I wanted to bring you a koala, but I figured they wouldn't let me bring one on the plane.”

I smiled at him and laughed a bit, as I wiped away my tears. “Thank you so much, Mike", I said. "This really means a lot. It means more than I could ever tell you.” I ran my fingers along the medal, and carefully wrapped it back up in the cloth, and placed it in my purse. 

Silently, I stood up and walked over to his side of the booth. I slid in next to him and gave him a sideways hug. He wrapped his long arms around me and held me close to him. He kissed the top of my head, and I felt like the room was spinning.

“You smell nice”, he whispered.

“Thanks”, I whispered back. “I like your cologne.” Then I stood up and returned to my side of the booth.

“Carly made fun of me for smelling like chlorine”, Michael said with a frown.

“What?” She’s crazy! Doesn’t she know that smelling like chlorine is the best thing ever?” I asked with a laugh.

“Seriously!” Michael agreed with a smile.

“Non-Swimmers just don’t get it”, I said, laughing and shaking my head.

“So true, Schmitty. So true”, Michael agreed with a smile, as he reached across the table to take my hand again. “You get it. You always do.”

I looked down at our intertwined hands, and took a deep breath. I looked up and smiled at Michael, as he lifted up my hand and kissed it.

_Why is he making this so hard? I know he means these gestures in a friendly way, but it feels weird because it’s making what I have to tell him so much harder._

__

__***_ _

__After we finished our meals and conversation, we were getting ready to pay the bill. I took my wallet out of my purse._ _

__Michael shook his head and waved me off. “No way", he said. "Put that wallet away, Schmitty. This one is on me.”_ _

__I hesitated. He’s so sweet to do this all the time, but I wish he’d let me chip in once in a while. “You always pay. I can’t let you do this all the time, Mike”, I said._ _

__Michael smiled and shrugged. He took his credit card out of his wallet and put it in the folder on the table. “Sure you can", he replied. "I like treating you, Schmitty. It’s fun.”_ _

__“Okay” I said, pretending to be annoyed. I smiled. “I’ll let you pay this time. But I hope you’ll let me buy your dinner one of these days.”_ _

__Michael laughed. “Yeah, we’ll see about that!” he said, smiling widely. “Seriously, Schmitty. Don’t worry about it. I like taking you out for dinner. When you make your first million, then you can take me out.”_ _

__I laughed and rolled my eyes again. “I’ll buy your dinner before I’m a millionaire. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to pay for me. That’s all”, I said._ _

__

__***_ _

__He put his arm around me as we walked out of the restaurant and over to his car. He opened the door for me and helped me into the passenger seat._ _

__Michael started his car to drive back to his house. “Are you parked at my place?” he asked._ _

__I shook my head. “No", I said. "I took a cab.”_ _

__“Okay”, Michael said. “I’ll drive you home.”_ _

__I turned to him and smiled. “Thanks”, I said. “That would be great.”_ _

__We were silent for most of the drive. I stared out the window, watching the sights of Baltimore at night go by in a blur. Michael pulled up in front of my apartment. He got out of the driver side, and came around to the passenger side to let me out. He opened the door, and tipped his hat. “Here you are, my dear. Door to door service!” he said with a laugh, as he reached out his hand._ _

_Mike is such a weirdo. I think that’s why I love him so much._

__I rolled my eyes, and let him help me out of the car. “You’re so weird, Mike”, I said with a laugh._ _

__“Thank you!” Michael said, as we both laughed. He walked me up to the front door._ _

“Well, this is where I leave you” he said. 

We both stood in the doorway of my apartment building. "Thanks, Mike", I said.

Michael smiled at me. “Did you have a good time tonight?” he asked.

__

__**(Michael’s POV)** _ _

__

__Allison smiled and nodded. “I did. Thank you. For everything.” she said quietly, her eyes filling with tears again._ _

__I gently held her face in my hand, and tipped her chin. “Then why are you sad?” I asked softly._ _

__Allison shook her head, saying nothing. She wiped her face with her hand and tried to smile._ _

__“Schmitty?”, I began, and she looked up at me, as another tear escaped out of her eye. “You’ve been upset for a long time. Please tell me what’s wrong, so I can help you. Why do you always look like you’re going to cry?”, I asked gently._ _

__Allison stared up at me. “Because I’m in love with you!”, she blurted out._ _

___What?_ _ _

__I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. My mouth dropped open. “What?”, I asked faintly._ _


	6. Chapter 6

**(Michael’s POV)**

 

“I’m in love with you”, Allison said more calmly. She took a deep breath. “There. I said it. I said it, and now I want you to forget it.”

“Forget it? How could I forget something like that?” I asked, still trying to get over my shock.

“I’m sorry”, Allison squeaked. “I just… I had to get it off my chest. You’re my best friend, Mike, but I… I don’t want to be just friends anymore.”

_What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say? I feel sick._

I felt like my dinner was sloshing around in my stomach. Now that I think about it, that shrimp tasted funny. I was sure that I was going to either throw up or burst into tears. I didn’t want to do either of those things on Allison’s front stoop. “I’m… with Carly”, I said quietly, as I stared down at my feet.

Allison nodded. “I know you are, and she’s… great”, she said in a way that made me realize that maybe she didn’t like Carly that much after all. “I just want you to be happy, you know? But I love you, and that feeling isn’t going to go away. It just hurts… seeing you with someone else.”

I took a deep breath. “I don’t understand. What are you saying?” I asked. I was still trying to wrap my head around what was happening.  
“I’m saying that it hurts to be around you” Allison said very quietly as she choked back a sob. “You have a great girlfriend and I know you don’t love me back. I can’t deal with that. I just… I don’t think we can be friends anymore. Not the way we were. I don’t think I can handle that.”

_Ouch. Right in the heart. Hold it together. Don’t cry. Not here._

My heart dropped to my stomach. I was having trouble breathing. I was worried that my legs were going to give out from under me. I held on to the wrought-iron railing to steady myself. I looked at her sadly. After a pause, I managed to choke out, “Is there anything I can do or say to get you to change your mind?” 

Allison shook her head. She gave me a hug. “No. I’m sorry”, She said sadly.

I hugged her back, not wanting to let go. I squeezed my eyes shut against the tears that were threatening to pour down my cheeks. “Schmitty, please”, I begged. “I don’t want this to end. Not like this.”

Allison looked at me and smiled sadly. “Goodbye, Michael”, she whispered. With that, she turned and walked inside.

Through the glass door, I watched her for a moment. I watched her walk up the stairs to her apartment. She didn’t look back. 

Finally, I made my way down the front steps and walked to my car. I opened the driver’s side door and climbed inside. I’m surprised I was able to walk even that far. I felt too numb to drive away. My mind was going in a million different directions. I thought about my past relationships. I thought about Carly, and how badly I wanted it to work, even though I was unhappy. I thought about Allison and how much she means to me. She’s an amazing friend, and now I don’t have that anymore. I felt a tremendous sense of loss. Sitting in my car in front of Allison’s apartment building, all of those emotions hit me all at once. I took a shaky breath, and then I began to sob.

_I’m sure this looks great to anyone walking by. A grown man sitting in his car on a street corner, crying alone in the dark. I need to talk to Mom. I know it’s late, but sometimes she stays up to work on paperwork. I don’t want to bother her, but talking to her will make me feel better. I know it will. I’m 29 years old and I want my Mommy. I want my Mommy and I don’t care who knows it!_

I took a deep breath, wiped my face with my hands. My eyes were stinging. I sighed and swiped the lock screen on my phone, then I dialed.

Mom answered after the first ring. “Michael? Are you okay, Baby?”, she asked.

I sighed. “Yeah", I said. "Hi, Mom. I’m sorry to call so late. I just… I wanted to say hi. I haven’t called you for a couple days and I miss you.”

“I’m glad you called, Sweetie", she said. "Don’t worry about the time. I was up late anyway to work on some paperwork. Are you okay? Your voice sounds funny.” 

I felt my chest tighten. It was going to be hard to hide it. Mom knew immediately that I was upset. Mom always knows. I cleared my throat. “Yeah. I’m fine”, I lied. “I’m just tired. Long week.”

Mom sighed. I could tell that she knew that I wasn’t telling the truth. “So, your new girlfriend is here for a few days, right?” she asked. She was trying to get me talking. “I’d love to meet her. Maybe you could bring her by for dinner before she goes home.”

_Somehow I don’t think Carly is a “bring home to Mom” kind of girl. Plus, I have to consider Whit and Hil. I love my sisters, but they… well, they make their opinions known about the girls I‘ve dated. I don’t think this time will be any different._

I sighed. “I don’t know, Ma.” I said quietly.

Mom took a deep breath. She knew what I was thinking. She laughed a bit. “I’ll tell your sisters not to make fun of you…” she suggested.

_Okay, that made me laugh._

I laughed. “No. It’s not just that…”, I said.

“Sweetie”, Mom began. “I know we give you a hard time about the girls you date, but it’s only because we love you.”

“I know”, I said. “and you guys know that I love you too. More than anything. I’m just… I don't think I’m ready to introduce Carly around yet. Jeff met her at the house, and Allison and Conor met her the same weekend I did, when we were all in Santa Clara, but I just don’t know how you guys will react.”

Mom sighed. “I understand, Honey. I promise we won’t judge you, but if you’re not ready to bring her over, that’s okay”, she said. After a pause, she asked, “So, what do your friends think of her?”

I took a deep breath. “Conor and Jeff hate her, which is pretty much what I expected", I said. "Allison says that she likes her, but Allison likes everyone…” I heard my voice crack at the mention of Allison’s name, and I felt this awful tightness in my chest. My stomach hurt. I felt like I was going to cry again, so I cleared my throat and tried to calm myself down.

“Sweetie, you sound so sad”, Mom said. “Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“I’m fine, Mom”, I lied. I don’t want her to worry about me. She has too much to deal with with school starting soon, and doesn’t need the extra stress. “I had a really weird night.”

“Is there anything you’d like to talk about, Honey?”, Mom asked, trying again to get me to talk.

I sighed. There was no use trying to hide it. “I, um… I had dinner with Allison tonight, and when I brought her home, she told me that she loves me…” I said shakily.

“I could have told you that a long time ago, Sweetheart”, Mom interrupted gently. When I didn’t reply, she asked, “what happened after that?”

“It’s nothing”, I lied.

“Michael Fred”, Mom began. Mom only uses my full name when she’s exasperated with me. I could picture her shaking her head at me.

I took a deep breath, afraid that I was going to start to cry again. “Um. She said… she said that it hurts her too much to see me with Carly and that we can’t be friends anymore”, I said quietly.

“Oh, Sweetie”, Mom said sadly. “I’m so sorry to hear that. She’s just upset. I’m sure she didn’t mean it. You and Allison care about each other so much. You two will get through this. I know you will.”

I could feel my voice shaking. I was trying as hard as I could to hold it together. “Ma, when she said that, it… it felt like I had the wind knocked out of me", I said. My voice was shaking and I hated myself for getting so emotional. "I just feel so… empty. I’ve never felt like this before. I’ve never even felt like this over a break-up.”

Mom sighed again, and I hated that I was making her sad. “I hate that you’re feeling like this, Michael. Why don’t you come over tonight?” She suggested. “Whitney brought the kids over earlier today and Taylor and I made cookies. There’s plenty left, and you sound like you need a treat. We can stay up and talk all night if you want to.”

_That sounds so good right now. Long talks with Mom and eating lots of food that I shouldn’t be eating is usually the one thing that makes every bad feeling go away. I should probably go home though. Carly is waiting._

I smiled. The tears were starting again. “Thanks, Ma" I said. "I appreciate it, but I think… I think I should go home tonight. Carly is waiting for me to come back. She came to visit me, and I kind of ditched her to go out with Allison tonight. I should probably go back to my house and spend some time with her… and make sure that her dog hasn’t terrorized Stella and Herm…”

Mom sighed. “Sweetie, I just think it’s very telling that you went out for dinner with Allison while your girlfriend - who came to visit you for a week - waits for you at your house”, she said.

“Ma-“ I began.

“I’m just making an observation”, Mom replied. “Are you sure you don’t want to come over tonight?”

“Yeah”, I said. “My stomach hurts, and I want to get some sleep. I really appreciate the offer, and I promise I’ll come see you this week and I'll take you out for dinner. I just think I should go to my house tonight.”

“Okay, Sweetie. If you change your mind, you can come by any time you want”, Mom said gently.

I took another deep breath. “Thank you, Mom", I said quietly. "Listen. I should go. I’m still parked in front of Allison’s house, and it’s probably starting to look a little suspicious.”

Mom laughed. “Okay, Honey. Are you going to be okay?”

_No._

“I don’t know, Ma”, I said honestly. “But, thank you for talking to me.”

“You’re welcome, my love. Anything you need. I’m always here. Have a good night. Try to get some rest”, Mom said.

“Thanks, Mommy. I love you.”, I said, tears welling in my eyes.

“I love you too. Always.”, Mom replied.

As I hung up my phone, I was beginning to feel a tiny bit better. Talking to Mom always does that. I started my car and drove home. I parked in the garage, and headed upstairs. All I wanted to do was sleep and forget that the night had ever happened.

I opened the door. Conor and Jeff weren’t home, but Carly had taken it upon herself to invite some guests over to the house. There were empty alcohol bottles everywhere, and loud music was practically shaking the house. Carly was wearing those tight jeans again, and a shirt that showed off her stomach, and those little hips. She was dancing in the living room, and I had to admit, she looked pretty cute... and hot.

 _She can be so rude and awful sometimes, but that body..._

Carly jumped up and ran over to the door to meet me. She threw her arms around me, and kissed me. “Hi, Mikey!” she slurred through her drunken haze. “We’re having a little party!”

I didn’t want Carly to know how upset I was about, well, everything. I kissed her and put my hands on her waist, gently running my thumbs over the sharp jut of her hipbones, and gave her a quick kiss. “I can see that”, I said in a low voice. “I wish you had told me. I’m actually really tired, and was planning to go to bed. I have to be at the pool in the morning.”

_She is so fucking hot. I want to touch her all the time. She's too skinny though. Allie is thin, but she's strong and has some substance to her body. God, she's gorgeous. I fucked it up. I feel sick again._

“Well, you were out all night, silly!” Carly said with a giggle. “You didn’t expect me to sit here this whole time by myself, did you?”

I didn’t answer her at first. I continued to run my hands up and down her body. "I like the way you move", I murmured into her ear, recalling her little dance number. 

"I like the way _you_ move", she whispered back. "In bed. Let's fuck later, okay?" 

"Okay", I said softly, even though all I want to do is crawl into bed and forget that this night ever happened. 

Carly’s friends, another couple, Brian and Sara, sitting on the couch in the living room. I met them when I went up to New York to see Sara before I left for Nationals. “Hi you two!” I said, trying to muster up some enthusiasm. I walked over and greeted each of them. I shook hands with Brian, and gave Sara a hug. “I’m surprised to see you guys here.”

Brian nodded. “Sorry to spring a visit on you, man. Carly told us she was coming down this way to see you, so Sara and I thought we’d take a little trip down here too, so we could meet up with you guys before we head to Virginia. We’re staying at a hotel, so you don’t need to worry about having any extra houseguests.”

“It’s nice to see you guys, and you’re always welcome to visit. It was just a surprise, that’s all”, I said. “I don’t want to be rude, but I had a really long day, and I think I’m going to go to bed now, but maybe we can all have dinner together tomorrow night?”

“That would be great!” Brian replied. “We’re here for a couple days, and we don’t have anything planned for tomorrow. What do you think, Sara?”

Sara smiled. “Sure. That sounds like fun", she said. "Carly?”

Carly nodded. “Great.” She said, as she wound her her arms around my waist, and leaned her head on my chest. She whispered excitedly, “We can go to that really fancy place that we went to last night!”

“Yeah, great”, I said distractedly, as I untangled myself from Carly’s grip and gave her a quick kiss. “Good night, Guys.”

My stomach was still bothering me. It was getting worse, actually. I made it into the bathroom just in time. I sank down to the floor and threw up. I found out that shrimp tastes pretty awful on the way up. Aside from being sick from crying over what happened with Allison, something else I ate just hadn't sat well. I felt awful. Physically, emotionally, basically any way a person could feel awful, I felt it. I stayed in the bathroom for a while, and threw up a few more times. When I was sure that I wasn't going to get sick again, I went into my room and stripped down to my boxers, and collapsed into bed. I was exhausted, but I didn’t think I would be able to fall asleep. I stared at the ceiling for a long time, tears falling from my eyes and into my ears.

_I just lost the best thing in my life and I have no idea what to do about it._

I was still lying awake when Carly finally came to bed. I wiped my face with the blanket, hoping that Carly wouldn’t see my tears. I don’t want to have to explain what’s on my mind. She stripped down to her underwear and climbed into bed next to me and kissed my shoulder. “I’m sorry I invited them over without telling you”, she said quietly. “I don’t like it when you’re mad at me.”

“You don’t have to apologize”, I said, hoping that I didn’t sound as annoyed as I felt. “I was just surprised. That’s all. You’re a guest here, and I wasn’t expecting you to invite people over to my house without telling me. I was planning on going to bed when I got home.”

Carly sighed. “Okay. Next time I’m here for a visit, I’ll check with you before inviting my friends over”, she said, as she snuggled in closer to me. She leaned against my torso, with her hand on my stomach. 

I put my arm around her back and forced myself to smile. I kissed her forehead. “Thanks, sweetie", I said. "That’s all I ask.”

“Okay”, Carly agreed. She paused, then asked, “So, how was dinner with Allie?” 

I stared at the ceiling in the dark. I sighed heavily. “I’m sorry. I really don’t want to talk about that”, I said quietly.

Carly leaned over and kissed my bare chest a few times. “Are you okay?”, she asked me. "Can we have sex now?"

I turned and leaned towards her. I slung my other arm around her, so that she was fully wrapped up in my arms. She snuggled in closer. I breathed deeply, taking in the scent of her hair. “Yeah. I’m fine”, I said. “I really just want to go to sleep. It’s been a really long night.”

“Are you sure, Baby?”, Carly asked. 

“Yeah. I’m just not feeling very well. I ate some bad shrimp or something”, I said. “Let’s go to sleep. We can talk more in the morning.”

I drifted off to sleep with Carly in my arms, and tried to convince myself that being with her was what I wanted.


	7. Chapter 7

**(Michael’s POV)**

I didn’t get much sleep. I woke up a lot throughout the night. I threw up a few more times, even though there couldn't have been much left in my stomach. I was in rough shape. Sometime in the middle of the night, I went downstairs and drank some water, and took something for my stomach. I went back upstairs and tried to sleep again. When I finally managed to drag myself out of bed in the morning, it was around 11. I found a note from Carly on his nightstand letting me know that she had taken Lila for a run around the harbor. I dragged myself out of bed, and put on a t-shirt and went into the kitchen.

_I’m going to be late. Bob is going to kill me._

“Morning Sleepy Head!” Conor greeted me, as he poured milk over his Cocoa Puffs. “I was beginning to think you were going to sleep all day.”

I shrugged, hoping to avoid talking about anything. “Rough night”, I replied.

“What happened?” Conor asked with a mouthful of cereal. “How was dinner with Schmitty?”

I felt uncomfortable. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. My heart was pounding. “You mean she hasn’t talked to you?” I asked. “I’m surprised she didn’t say something. You two are pretty close.”

Conor shook his head. “Nope. I haven’t heard a thing. Well, not about your dinner, anyway. She texted me this morning about something else, but…” He trailed off. He was looking at me expectantly. His look reminded me of the looks that Stella and Herman give me when they want a treat. “Seriously, Mike. What’s up?” He asked with a smile and a wink. “Did something happen? Did you finally admit that I’m right?”

I slumped down in a chair at the kitchen table and hung my head. I ran my fingers through my hair. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to lie my way through this one. “Dude. It was… awful. It was one of the worst nights I’ve had in a long time.”, I said, hoping that would be enough to satisfy Conor long enough to stop interrogating me.

“What the hell, Phelps? What’s going on?” Conor questioned, looking concerned. “You look like crap, by the way.”

“Thanks a lot”, I said, making a face.

Conor smiled. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just mean… you look exhausted and you seem kind of out of it”, he said. “What happened?”

I looked up. “I just don't feel very well. I think I got a little bit of food poisoning. It’s nothing. Never mind.” Desperate to change the subject, I said, “So anyway, Carly and I are having dinner tonight with a couple that she’s friends with from home. Do you want to join us? I think we’re going to The Prime Rib again. That’s where Carly wants to go.”

“You mean, be a 5th wheel on your double date? I’ll pass, thanks”, Conor said with a slight smile.

I laughed a bit and nodded. “I figured. I just thought I’d ask”, I said.

“Have fun with your annoying girlfriend and her friends, though!” Conor said, making a face.

“Carly isn’t annoying”, I said defensively. I paused. “Do you want a ride to workout? I’m leaving in a few minutes.”

Conor shook his head. “I have today off", he said. "You go have fun. Enjoy dinner tonight if I don’t see you before you leave.”

 

**(Conor’s POV)**

A little while after Michael left for workout, Carly came back from her run. She was wearing these little shorts with the waistband rolled down a few times and a sports bra. She tries way too hard to show off her body. She's hot, I guess, but she's annoying. I wish she’d leave and never come back. She’s rude to Mike. She brought her dog here without asking Mike if it was okay. She invited a bunch of friends over and left a mess all over the living room while Mike was out with Allison. It’s really bugging me, and Mike won’t admit how awful she is. When she walked in, I was sitting in the living room absent-mindedly thumbing through the latest issue of ESPN Magazine.

“Oh”, Carly said when she saw me. She gave me a scornful look “ _You’re_ here.”

“I live here”, I snapped.

“Why don’t you like me?” Carly whined.

_Because you’re annoying and because it’s obvious that you’re just using my best friend. Mike is the best person I know and he doesn’t deserve that crap._

I rolled my eyes. “How can I not like you? I don’t even know anything about you”, I replied without looking up from my magazine.

Carly sat down on the chair directly across from me. “Okay. Fine. What do you want to know?” she asked.

I sighed and put down my magazine. I guess I can pretend to be nice to her. For Mike. “What do you do when you’re not here in Baltimore with Mike? You live in New York right? Are you in school? What do you do for work?” I asked.

“Yeah. I live in New York. I moved there after high school. I never went to college. I want to become a model”, Carly replied.

_Yeah. She’s definitely using Mike. She thinks dating him will get her noticed._

“Oh”, I said. “Any specific type of modeling? Print?”

“I haven’t gotten too many jobs yet”, Carly admitted. “I’ve been in a few magazine ads, and I’m trying to get more jobs like that. I have this crazy dream of someday, being in the Victoria's Secret catalog, but I need to lose more weight before that happens. Then maybe eventually I'd like to end up on a runway. I don't know what will happen, but it's kind of exciting. It’s hard to find work, but now that I’m with Michael, I bet a lot of people will start to notice me.”

_I knew it!_

My mouth dropped open. “Did you seriously just admit to me that you’re dating my best friend so you can get exposure for your shitty modeling career?” I asked, incredulously. And okay, it’s not like I meant to go off on her, but I’m really pissed off about this. .

Carly laughed. “No, silly”, she said sweetly. “I’m dating him because he’s rich and he’ll buy me expensive things, so I can look pretty!”

_Get out of Mike’s house, you stupid fame whore._

I wonder if I looked as horrified as I felt. “And you think that’s a better reason?” I asked incredulously. “Look, this is none of my business, but Mike is one of my best friends, and he deserves a lot better than some whiny, bitchy fame-whore.”

_Whoops. I should probably learn how to keep my mouth shut._

“You’re mean”, Carly whined. “and you’re right, this is none of your business.” She stood up and stomped into Michael’s bedroom.

Mike is my best friend. I love the kid, but he’s so clueless when it comes to relationships. He meets these girls who date him for a little while, hoping that his fame will get them noticed, then when they get what they want, they split, leaving him miserable and cranky. I wish he’d admit to himself how much Allison means to him. I know she’d never hurt him the way the other girls did.

I rolled my eyes. I went back to my magazine, wishing I could get my best friend to realize that yet again, he was dating someone who was only interested in his fame and money. The problem was, I had no idea how to do that.


	8. Chapter 8

**(Michael’s POV)**

That afternoon, when I got home, Conor was in the living room, and it looked like he was waiting for me. I immediately assumed something was wrong.

_What happened? What did he break? Are the dogs okay?_

“Hey, Man”, he began when he saw me. “I have to talk to you.”

“Sure”, I said with a sigh. “Make it quick. I have to get ready for dinner.”

“Yeah… about that…” Conor began slowly. “I know you’re going out with Carly and her friends tonight, but I just wanted to let you know that…” He paused again, looking me directly in the eyes.

_I wish he would just tell me what he has to say._

I made a big show of looking at my watch and tapping my foot. “Hurry up and spit it out, Conor. I have to go”, I said, sounding a bit more annoyed than I meant to.

For reasons that I couldn’t figure out, he looked very concerned. It seemed like something was making him uncomfortable. “I wanted to tell you that Allison has a date tonight”, he said quietly.

“Okay”, I said, unsure of why Conor wanted me to know about Allison’s date. I was surprised, given what had happened the night before. I just hope going on this date will make her happy.

“You know, just in case you want to do something about it”, Conor continued, eying me carefully.

I tried to smile. “Well, that’s great. Good for her. Whoever he is… he’s a really lucky guy”, I said.

Conor rolled his eyes at me. “Come on, Mike”, he said.

“What?”, I asked.

“You keep denying it, but you know how you feel about each other. I don’t know what it is, but I know something happened between you two last night. You can’t just bolt whenever shit gets tough”, he said.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I snapped. “What do you mean, ‘the way we feel about each other’?”

Conor rolled his eyes again, and I was sure that they were going to roll back in his head. “Mike”, he said. “Seriously. Come on. Don’t be an idiot.”

“And what does me bolting have to do with anything?” I continued, purposely ignoring that he called me an idiot. “I didn’t bolt. I don’t think I should be the one who gets blamed for everything! It wasn’t my idea to… never mind”, I said.

Conor seemed to drop it after that because he changed the subject. “There’s one more thing”, he said.

“Yes?” I asked, rolling my eyes.

“Your girlfriend and I… exchanged some words earlier…” Conor began.

_What did he say to her? This can’t be good._

I felt my face grow hot, as anger bubbled up inside of me. “What the hell is wrong with you, Dwyer? I told you to be nice to her”, I fumed.

Conor looked horrified. “Woah. Take it easy, man. Don’t you dare jump down my throat. I’m trying to help you. It’s not my fault your girlfriend is a gold-digging fame whore. Again”, Conor snapped.

“Carly is not a fame whore”, I said, rising my voice. “and what do you mean, again?”

Conor looked at me like I was crazy. “Get your head out of your ass, Mike", he said. "I mean, all the girls you date use you for your fame and money, then split. Carly admitted to me that she hoped dating you would make people notice her and her stupid modeling career.”

“I don’t believe you”, I said, shaking my head.

“It’s true. You’re my best friend, Mike. You deserve a lot better than you let yourself settle for.” Conor said honestly. “Just… think about it, okay?”

_What’s that supposed to mean? Why doesn’t anyone realize that I’m a big boy who can handle my own relationships?_

I looked at Conor for a moment. I shook my head. “You’re wrong. Carly wouldn’t do that”, I said, and perhaps I was trying to convince myself. 

Conor shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, Mike”, he replied.

“You know what, Dwyer? Do me a favor and butt out”, I snapped. 

“Screw you!”, Conor shot back, as I turned and walked away. “I’m just trying to be a good friend”, I heard him mumble.

I felt like I should have said something after I heard him say that, but for whatever reason, I didn’t. I walked into my room. Carly was in there getting ready. She looked up when she saw me. “Hi, Baby!”, she said excitedly. “What’s wrong? I heard yelling.”

I shook my head and sighed. “It’s nothing. It’s not important." I looked up at her and stopped dead in my tracks. “Is that what you’re wearing?” I asked her. 

The way she was dressed was more appropriate for a night out at a club or a party. It wasn’t exactly appropriate for dinner at a restaurant where suit jackets were "highly recommended" for men. Carly, on the other hand, was wearing a short, tight black leather skirt, and a magenta corset covered in black lace. And yeah, the girl is _hot_ , but I don't think an outfit like that is a good choice for dinner at a fancy restaurant.

Carly turned to face me. She saw the look on my face and pouted. “You don’t like my outfit?” she whined.

_I’m getting really tired of the whining._

I sighed, and tried to choose my words carefully. This relationship is wearing me down. I’m exhausted trying to make this girl happy. “You look beautiful, Baby”, I began, as I tried yet again to hide how annoyed I was. I wrapped my arms around her, and leaned down to kiss her. “but that outfit… isn’t appropriate for a nice dinner.” I pouted. “I have to wear a suit jacket”

“Do I embarrass you?”, Carly asked. “Do you not like being seen with me?”

I sighed and shook my head. “That’s not it, Carly. I just think you need to learn what’s appropriate and what’s not”, I told her honestly. I was trying to be nice, but Carly just stood there, pouting. I kept talking, hoping something I said would get through to her and not insult her. “For instance… that outfit. It looks amazing on you. If we were going to a club or a party or something, it would be perfect. But we’re going to a nice restaurant.”

Carly rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I’m wearing it", she said, pouting. It looks good on me. I’m skinny and hot and I want people to notice me. I’m trying to get some modeling business, you know.”

I sighed. I threw my hands up in exasperation. “Fine. Do whatever the fuck you want. I don’t give a shit, I snapped.

_What is going on here? Why does Carly make me so angry?_

 

***

Later that evening, Cary and I returned to The Prime Rib, this time with Brian and Sara. The four of us sat around the table, chatting as we looked over the menu.

_I still can’t figure out why I’m so annoyed by her. She’s pretty and fun, and the sex is amazing. I should be happier than this. Why can’t I be happy?_

“Maybe we could start by sharing some clams or oysters”, I suggested.

_I miss Allison so much._

Carly reached under the table and rubbed my inner thigh. She leaned over and kissed my neck. “Sounds great.”

I quickly, I guess more quickly than I intended to, moved out Carly’s grasp. “We’re in a nice place, Carly. Tone it down”, I snapped, causing her to jump. She crossed her arms and pouted. I didn’t feel as bad as I should have.

“Cut it out”, I hissed.

Brian and Sara both raised their eyebrows at each other. I could tell that they were uncomfortable, but they both nodded. “Sure. That works.”, Brian said. “Sara and I love oysters.”

I made a face and tried to stop myself from laughing, as I thought of Allison’s joke from the other night. I figured I’d try it here. Maybe it would make them laugh and break some of the tension. “Good”, I said. “because if you didn’t that would be very shellfish of you!”

The silence was deafening. The other three stopped what they were doing and turned to look at me, saying nothing. I was beginning to feel like an idiot.

_I wish Allison was here. God, I wish Allison was here._

“Um… what?”, Carly finally asked. She was looking at me like I was crazy.

“It’s like… selfish, except… shellfish”, I tried to explain. “It’s a joke that I learned from my friend… um… this girl… Allison… that I train with.”

Carly tried to laugh. “Cute”, she said, in a tone that made me realize how very not cute she thought it was.

I was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable. Being in the restaurant with Carly and her friends was stressing me out. I was still upset about Allison. I still felt sick from the night before. I decided to go outside for some air, and I didn’t want anyone to follow me.

“I’ll be right back”, I said to no one in particular. Without waiting for a response, I got up and walked out of the restaurant. As soon as I walked outside, into the fresh air, I felt a little better. I stood outside, leaning against the building for a little while, and took a few deep breaths. I couldn’t stop thinking about Allison and how much I missed her, even though it had only been a day. I thought about Carly, and how confused that relationship was making me. I stood outside for a little while longer, trying to catch my breath and collect my thoughts. I was feeling sick, but the fresh air made me feel a little better. When I managed to calm myself down, I walked back inside and joined the group again. When I got to the table, the waiter had just brought our food over. I tried to eat a little bit, but I wasn't very hungry.

 

“Everything okay, Man?” Brian asked me, when he saw me come back to the table. Carly was deep in conversation with Sara. She didn’t even know I had left.

I nodded. “Yeah” I said. “I’m good, I said with a smile. I just needed to get some fresh air.” I took a sip of my water and sighed. I turned and looked over at Carly and Sara who were laughing about something. I was trying to enjoy the evening, but I couldn’t help but think about Allison and wonder what was happening on her date.

_I really hope she’s having a good time. She deserves that._


	9. Chapter 9

**(Allison’s POV)**

I was sitting in a booth at Mama’s with this guy named Joe that I met online. I don’t know why I agreed to this stupid online dating idea. My sisters thought it would help get my mind off of the situation with Michael. I know they were just trying to help me, but the whole thing felt weird. I told Conor that I was going on a date tonight and he thought I was crazy. I assume that he told Michael. I wonder if Conor knows what happened last night. 

Anyway, I had gone on match.com and met Joe that day. We ended up talking all afternoon, and he seemed nice enough. We decided to meet for dinner that very night. It felt weird to act so quickly, as it’s pretty out of character of me, but I figured that there’s a first time for everything. I tried to make the best of it.

_Maybe at the very least I’ll make a new friend._

“Do you want to share some oysters?” I asked, because for some reason I thought the shellfish joke was a good opening line.

“Sure”, Joe said with a smile. “That sounds great.”

_God, he’s cute. He seems really nice, but my heart just isn’t in this. I miss Mike. I wonder if I did the right thing telling him I don’t want to be friends anymore. I’m beginning to think it was wrong. I need him in my life._

“Great!” I said. “If you didn’t that would be very shellfish of you!” I tried not to laugh. I didn’t want to ruin the punchline.

“What?” Joe asked with an awkward laugh. “How am I being selfish? I just said I’d share!”

I laughed, feeling completely humiliated. “It’s a pun. Shellfish, Selfish. Get it?”, I asked. I paused and made a face. “Never mind, if you have to explain it, it doesn’t work.”

Joe shook his head and smiled. “Oh! I get it.. I’m sorry", he said. I’m terrible at picking up on puns. It was cute, though.”

_He’s being kind. I appreciate that he didn’t laugh me out of the restaurant. This is so weird._

I laughed. “Well, you’re very kind for not making fun of me", I said. "I guess I just have a weird sense of humor.”

Joe smiled. “Beautiful girl. Weird sense of humor. I dig it", he said. "So, tell me more about yourself. First, why do you seem so sad?”

_Because I’m in love with my best friend and I just pushed him away._

He doesn’t want to hear about this. He asked though, so maybe he really does care. I sighed. “It’s hard to explain”, I began. “I… Well, I have - I guess, had - this friend. He’s really important to me, but some stuff happened and I kind of pushed him away. I just don’t think we’re going to be a part of each other’s lives anymore, and it sucks.”

“Boyfriend?” Joe asked gently. He really seemed like he cared about what was on my mind. It was sweet, but it wasn’t really something that I felt like discussing in detail.

I smiled and shook my head. “He was my best friend”, I said. “It just sucks a lot. I’m still going to have to see him pretty often, but it hurts that things are going to be different between us. I’m going to miss our talks and jokes and… all that.”

Joe looked thoughtful. “You seem like a really sweet girl, Allison”, he said. “He’d be crazy to let you get away.”

I smiled back at him. “That’s nice of you to say”, I said. “Thank you.”

 

***

After dinner, Joe walked me to my car. “Do you want to come back to my place?”, he asked. “We can get dessert at Marble Slab, then maybe watch a movie or something.”

I shook my head. “I don’t think so, but thank you”, I said. “I have to be up pretty early, so I should just go home.”

Joe smiled at me. “I had a nice time tonight, Allison” he said. “Maybe we can do this again sometime.”

_No._

I smiled. “Yeah”, I said a bit sadly. “Maybe.”

He leaned in and gave me a kiss, and while I didn’t pull away, I didn’t exactly return it either.

“Good night, Allison”, he said.

I smiled. “Good night, Joe”, I said. “Thank you for tonight. It was nice.”

He smiled and walked away. I got into my car. I watched him walk down the street, then drove away.

_He’s such a nice guy and tonight actually was pretty fun, but he’s not Mike._

I drove home, parked, and went upstairs. walked into my room, and flopped down on the bed. I picked up the book that was sitting on my nightstand and started to read. After a few seconds, I gave up and put the book back on the nightstand. I stood up, and looked out the window for a moment. I don’t know why. It’s not like there was anything to see. I glanced at Michael’s medal that was sitting on my desk. I picked it up, letting the neck piece fall through my fingers. I turned it in the light, watching the reflection dance on my walls. I smiled slightly and tried not to cry, before setting it back down on the desk. I’m still so touched by his gesture. Looking at the medal sitting on my desk just makes me miss him more. I sighed heavily and turned out the light and went to bed.

 

***

**(Michael’s POV)**

I ate what I could of my dinner. I waited for everyone else to finish eating, then the check arrived. I put my credit card in the folder and put it back on the table for the waiter.

“Mike, you don’t have to pay for us”, Brian protested. “I can pay for Sara’s and my share.”

I shook my head and smiled at the group. “No, it’s fine", I said. "My treat. I like doing things like this for people.”

“Wow”, Sara said. “That’s so nice of you. Thank you very much. We really appreciate it. Next time we come to visit or when you come to New York, it’s on us, okay?”

Carly smiled smugly. “I love having a rich boyfriend to pay for things!”, she announced, loud enough that people turned to stare. She had been drinking all night, and when she drinks she starts talking really loudly, laughing a lot, and generally causing a scene.

_Well. Maybe Conor was right after all. Nah. I’m sure Conor is wrong. I doubt Carly meant anything by it._

My stomach was doing that weird twisting thing again. I shut my eyes and took a few deep breaths. I glanced over at her. “I like to think our relationship is a little more than that, sweetie”, I said quietly.

Carly rubbed my arm and nuzzled my neck. “Oh, it is, Baby. It is”, she said in a way that reminded me of those really fake girls in high school. “I’m just kidding. You always take my comments so seriously!” She giggled. Again. What’s with all the giggling?

“It’s because sometimes your comments are really fucking rude, Carly”, I snapped. 

_I have to stop snapping at her._

“You’re such a whiny little baby!”, Carly said in a baby voice as she giggled again, and downed the rest of Sara's wine.

_I can’t do this. Why can’t I find a sweet, kind girl who respects me and my career and doesn’t talk in a baby voice all the time. Why can’t I stop thinking about Allison?_

Despite being really annoyed, I tried to remain calm, and ignore how upset Carly was making me. “I’m going to ignore your comments because I really like you, and I’m going to pretend that you don’t mean anything by it”, I said in a hushed but firm tone.

We went outside to wait for the Valet to bring my car around. “Do you guys want a ride to your hotel?” I asked Brian and Sara.

Brian shook his head. “No, it’s fine. I think we’re going to walk. It’s just down the block”, he said.

“Well, it was great seeing you guys. We fly out tomorrow, so we won’t see you after tonight”, Sara said. “Well, Carly, we’ll see you soon right?”

Carly nodded. “Yeah" she said. "I’m flying back on Saturday.”

“Okay. We can pick you up at the airport if you want.” Brian said. "We should be home by then."

Carly smiled at her friends, still a little woozy from all the wine. “That would be great, guys. Thanks", she said. "I’ll send you all of my flight information when I'm not drunk.”

I smiled. “Brian. Sara. It was great to see you both. I hope to catch up with you guys again soon.”

“Definitely”, Brian said. “Always good to see you, man. Thanks again for dinner. That was… really cool of you.”

I smiled at them. “My pleasure", I said. "See you both soon.”

“Bye, Mike”, Sara said with a wave. “It was great to see you.”

Brian and Sara turned and walked down the street. Carly and I got into my car and started the drive back to my house.

“Mikey, I’m sorry about the things I said to you”, Carly said in her baby voice, as she reached over and rubbed my leg.

_It’s not okay. It’s not okay. Why can’t I tell her how not okay this is?_

I sighed. “It’s okay, Carly” I began. “It’s just that… remember what I said the other night about feeling like you don’t respect me or my career? What you said tonight made me feel like you’re only with me for my money.”

Carly looked at me and took my hand. “I’m sorry, Baby. Do you forgive me?” she asked.

_Nope._

I sighed. “Yeah. I forgive you", I said. "This can’t keep happening though.”

_Damn it._

“I know”, Carly said. “I have to watch the things I say sometimes.”

I nodded. “And I need to watch my temper and try not to snap at you so much”, I said. “I’m glad we can talk about these things.”

“Me too, Baby!”, Carly said.

_I’m really trying to make it work with this girl. I think I want to. I’m supposed to want that, right? ___

__I parked the car, unlocked the door to the house, and lifted Carly up to carry her inside. I set her down at the bottom of the stairs. Silently, wordlessly, we made our way upstairs in a daze, removing articles of clothing from each other as we stumbled into my bedroom, and sank down onto the bed. I let my body go, and felt myself enter her, and she squeezed around me. She may be mean sometimes, but the way we ended our night was just really good._ _


	10. Chapter 10

**(Michael’s POV)**

_Last night was good. Well, the after dinner part, anyway. I still feel really unsettled, though. Something still feels weird about this relationship. Sex with Carly feels good, physically, but I'm getting older now, and I feel like I should be saving those experiences for someone who makes me feel good emotionally, too. Plus, I still feel bad about the things I said to Conor, and I should apologize. And I miss Allie. I haven't been eating or sleeping. Basically, I'm a mess._

The next day, at practice, Bob approached me while I was sitting on the pool deck taking a break.. “Michael, I need to talk to you for a minute”, he said, with a warning tone in his voice. 

I sighed heavily. This can’t be a good sign. “Sure, Bob”, I said, trying to stay calm. “What’s up?”

Bob put his hand on my shoulder. “Let’s go into my office”, he said.

I nodded. “What’s going on?”, I asked as I followed Bob into his office, unsure of what to expect. I sat down in a chair facing Bob’s desk. My hands were shaking, and my leg kept bouncing up and down.

Bob sat at his desk and looked at me as he folded his hands. “Michael”, he began. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, Bob”, I said. I was starting to feel uneasy. “What’s this all about? I’m swimming pretty well, aren’t I? I’ve been feeling really good lately!”

Bob looked at me, his expression soft. “You’re swimming just fine, Michael. Better than fine, even”, he said gently. "You're getting leaner and stronger. Your diet seems to be helping with your energy levels too, which is great."

“So what’s this about?” I asked. “Bob, what’s going on? You’re making me nervous.”

Bob was still looking at me with an expression usually reserved for a small child who had just fallen off of a bike or something. “Michael, I just want to know if you’re all right”, he said.

I must have looked confused, because then Bob said, “Your mom called me. She told me you had a… a rough night the other night.”

I nodded. “Yeah…”, I began.

Bob shook his head. “She didn’t give me any details", he said. "But I think I have a guess about what’s going on.”

I sighed. Bob and I may have spent years driving each other completely out of our minds, but at the end of the day he— well, he’s pretty damn important to me. He’s not just my coach. He’s been a mentor, a guide, and my friend. Growing up, and even now, he’s the closest thing to a father figure I’ve ever had, and ever will have. He has taught me so much over the years. Don’t get me wrong. I love my mom more than anything. She’s the most important person in my life. There were just things that I couldn’t talk to her about when I was young. You know...guy stuff. That’s the stuff that Bob helped me with. Picking out a tux for my prom, pinning the corsage on my date, talking about sex. I’ll always be grateful to him for that. He knows me so well. That’s why it didn’t surprise me that he already knew that there was something going on.

“Michael?”, Bob said, trying again.

I took a deep, staggering breath. “It’s a really long story”, I said sadly, trying not to cry.

Bob took another approach. “I understand that your girlfriend is in town. I’d like to know more about the girl who captured the heart of the Greatest Olympian of All Time”, he said with a smile.

I forced myself to smile. “Her name is Carly. I met her in Santa Clara during the weekend of the Grand Prix. She was doing a photo shoot and was staying at the same hotel as us. We had a few drinks together and then…”, I started to tell the same story I told everyone else who asked.

Bob made a face at me. “Michael, I don’t need those kind of details”, he said not unkindly.

I breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s good”, I said. “I love you, Bob, but telling you the details about… that part of my life is… weird.”

Bob laughed. “Yes it is, kid. There are things that I don’t need to know. I just need to make sure that you’re happy”, he said. “That’s more important than anything else. I love you, kid. You deserve to be happy.”

I looked up at him. I had no idea how to respond. “I… don’t know”, I said quietly. “I mean… she’s beautiful. We’ve had some fun times together. Sometimes she makes these weird comments, then plays it off as a joke. That can get old. I don’t know. I want to be happy, but I don’t know if I’m there yet.”

“Michael, is something else going on?”, Bob asked.

I sighed again. “It’s… It’s about Schmitty”, I said so quietly that I barely even heard myself.

Bob’s eyebrows shot up. “What?”, he asked.

“I um… she and I had dinner the other night. She told me that it hurts her too much to see me with Carly and that she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore”, I said.

Bob looked at me. “I’m sorry, Son”, he said. “It breaks my heart to hear that. I know how much you two…”

“Don’t, Bob”, I said warningly.

Bob sighed, and I knew I was about to get another lecture. “Michael, I know you say that you don’t see it, but this girl is so important to you”, he said.

“I’m not in love with Allison!”, I said, for what felt like the thousandth time in the past 48 hours. “I love her… but I just… it’s not… love love.”

Bob shook his head again. “Michael. I’ve known you for a very long time. You’re the son that I've never had" he said. "I know you better than you think I do.” He paused. He looked at me thoughtfully, his fingers steepled. “With a few exceptions, you’ve always kept everyone at arm’s length", he continued. "You don’t often let your guard down around people. I’ve seen you with some of the girls you’ve been with, or at least I’ve seen how you react when people mention them. You’ve just never seemed happy. When you talk about Allison, or when someone mentions her, or when I see you two together it’s different… The look on your face is different. Michael, this girl is special. She disarms you”, Bob said. He seemed surprised that I stayed quiet long enough to let him get all that out.

“Allison _is_ special”, I agreed. “I’ve just never thought of her that way. She’s always been like a little sister, my best friend, and now I don’t even have that…”

Bob looked thoughtful, and I thought he was going to say something, but instead, he waited for me to collect my thoughts so I could continue.

“I um… She’s always been the one to keep me grounded, to point me in the right direction. Whenever something went wrong in my life, she picked me up and set me straight”, I said. “She’s…”

“Your North Star?”, Bob suggested gently.

I nodded, not having thought of it in that way before. “I just… I regret that she doesn’t know how much I care. I may not love her the way that she says she loves me, but I do love her. I need her in my life”, I said quietly.

“It’s all going to be okay”, Bob said. “This may feel like the hardest thing in the world right now, but it’s going to work out. You just need to have a little faith.”

“I don’t even know what that is”, I said sadly. The lump in my throat was back, and I was having a hard time talking around it.

“Faith is believing in something when common sense tells you not to”, Bob said gently.

I nodded. I felt tears pricking my eyes. “Miracle on 34th Street”, I said, with a smile.

“That’s right”, Bob said.

I smiled. “Thanks, Bob”, I said. “This actually helped.”

“Good”, Bob said nodding. “Now get the hell out of my office”, he added with a laugh.

_He drives me crazy sometimes, but I really do love him a lot._

 

***

 

After practice ended, I caught up with Conor on the way out the door. Despite the fact that we live together, we hadn’t said much to each other since our argument.

“Hey, Conor!” I called out.

Conor turned to face me. “What, Mike?” he asked, his expression cold.

“Can we talk?”, I asked.

Conor looked at me for what felt like an eternity. Then he smiled a little bit. “Yeah. Okay”, he said, as we walked outside together.

“Listen, man”, I began, as I fidgeted with my hands. “I’m sorry about what I said to you yesterday. I think you might have been right about Carly. She said some things to me last night that made it seem like she really is using me.”

“I told you” Conor said quietly.

“I know you did” I said, offering him a smile. “and I’m sorry I yelled at you, and said the things I said. You were right, and I shouldn’t have told you to butt out. You’re my best friend, and you butting in all the time has saved my ass on more than one occasion.”

Conor laughed. “Yeah. What would you do without me?” he asked.

I laughed. “I ask myself that pretty often”, I admitted. “I really am sorry, Con.”

“Apology accepted”, Conor replied, smiling back. He shook my hand, and patted my arm with his other hand. “Bros?”, he asked.

“Bros”, I replied, with a smile.

“Can I ask you a question, though?” Conor asked after a pause.

“Sure”, I said.

“Do you really like her?” Conor asked.

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “I don’t know”, I answered with a sigh. “I want to try to make it work. Even though she can be really mean sometimes, I do have a lot of fun when I’m with her. I mean… she makes some hurtful comments sometimes, or rather, all the time. She always apologizes, though.”

“Is an apology really enough?” Conor asked.

I opened my mouth to try to respond, but stopped when I saw Allison walking towards us. I felt that all-too-familiar twist in my stomach when I saw her.

“Hey Schmitty!”, Conor greeted her with a smile, giving her a high five as she passed.

“Hey, Dwyer!” she replied happily, as she accepted the high five. Don’t reject it, she always says.

I looked at my feet, kicking dirt around me. “Hey”, I said quietly. I couldn’t even look her in the eye.

“Hey”, Allison responded. She smiled slightly, but kept walking.

_Schmitty. Come back. I miss you._

Conor looked at me with wide eyes. He knows something is up. “Okay, Phelps. What. the. hell. is. going. on?” he asked, enunciating each syllable. “Ever since you and Schmitty had that dinner the other night, you’ve both been acting really weird. Something is definitely up.”

“It’s nothing”, I said, shaking my head. “Really.”

Conor was staring at me. He knew that I was lying. He’s getting pretty good at knowing what’s on my mind. He’s been spending too much time with Allison and Mom. They’ve taught him well. I rolled my eyes at him.

“It’s not nothing”, Conor protested. “You guys are best friends. It just seems really weird that you’d just stop talking overnight. What the hell happened at that dinner?”

I shrugged and looked at the ground, still kicking up clouds of dirt. I coughed as I inhaled some of the dust from the dirt. “She doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore”, I said quietly.

“That’s not like Schmitty at all”, Conor said, shaking his head. “You’re hiding something.”

I looked up to meet Conor’s eyes. I guess I have to tell him what’s up. He’ll find out sooner or later. He might as well hear it from me. “She told me that she’s in love with me. She said that she wants me to be happy and that it hurts her too much to see me with Carly.”

Conor smacked his forehead and looked down. “Shit”, he said. “I told her…”

I looked at Conor, surprised. “What?", I asked. "What did you say to her?”

Conor’s face turned red. He was still looking at the ground. He rubbed his temples with his thumb and forefinger. “I told her to stop sacrificing her own happiness for the sake of other people", he said. "I knew she had a crush on you. I just… didn't think it would come to this. Oh shit. Dude, this is all my fault. I’m sorry.”

I shook my head. “No. Don’t say that", I said. "This isn’t anyone’s fault. I just feel so awful. Schmitty is one of my favorite people in the whole world. I really don’t want to lose her. I can’t lose her. She's my best friend. She’s… my whole world.”

_There. I said it._

“Maybe you could try talking to her”, Conor suggested.

“Yeah. Maybe”, I said sadly.

“You heading home now?”, Conor asked.

“Yeah”, I replied. “You coming with?”

Conor shook his head. “No, I have some things to do. I’ll be home in a little while”, he said.

I nodded. “I’ll see you back there later, yeah?”

“Definitely”, Conor agreed. “Later, Man.”

“See Ya”, I said, as I headed for my car.


	11. Chapter 11

**(Michael’s POV)**

I walked into my house, exhausted from a long day at practice. My mind was still reeling over my friendship with Allison. I was thinking a lot about the conversations that I had over the past few days with Mom, Conor, Jeff, and Bob. It made me feel lucky to have so many people in my life that I could count on. I was thinking about my relationship with Carly, and how badly I wanted it to work out. I wasn’t happy with her, but I wanted to be. I know I don’t have the best track record with relationships. I knew that my friends and family were waiting for me to screw it up, but I wanted to prove everyone wrong. I thought about Allison and how much she means to me. I want my best friend back. Maybe I wanted her to be more than my best friend. I couldn’t figure it out, and it was driving me crazy. I wanted to get all of those thoughts out of my head for a little while. I wanted to shut my brain off. I was dizzy from not eating for a few days. I was finally starting to feel hungry again. The only thing that seemed remotely appealing was to have dinner - maybe Chinese food or something - then relax on the couch for the rest of the night. 

When I got inside, I looked up and saw that Carly was standing by the kitchen counter holding the handle on her suitcase and carrying Lila in her carrier. She looked like she was ready to leave.

_She’s not supposed to fly out for a couple days. What’s going on?_

“Carly… what’s going on?” I asked her, gesturing towards the luggage.

Carly tentatively approached me, and gently kissed me. “I have to go”, she said simply, quietly.

I nodded. I held Carly by her waist and pulled her close to me. I rubbed my thumbs along her hipbones. “Okay”, I said quietly. “I’m glad you came to visit. Next time we get together, I’ll come see you in New York.”

Carly shook her head and wiped a tear away from the corner of her eye. “No” She said. This thing we’re doing here… It’s over. I can’t do it anymore.”

_Wait. What? What is going on here?_

I didn’t know what to say. “You mean the distance thing?” I asked. “That’s easy to solve. Move in with me. Or, fuck it, I’ll move to New York. I can forget about training or travel back and forth. It’s not that long of a trip. We’ll make this work.”

_Move in with me? I’ll forget about training? What am I saying? I don’t want her to live here. I don’t want to leave Baltimore. I don’t want to give up swimming. Maybe she’s right. Maybe this really won’t work._

Carly shook her head. “It’s not about the distance. It’s everything else. We need to end this before someone gets hurt.”, she said.

“Before who gets hurt?” I asked, genuinely confused. “Carly, what are you talking about? I really like you. I know we fought a little bit these past few days, and sometimes we drive each other crazy, but I really thought we were okay… We can make this work!”

Carly shook her head sadly. “Go be with Allison”, she said quietly. “That's what you really want, right? She’ll make you happy. You deserve that.”

_Allison._

“What?”, I asked, still shocked. I shook my head vigorously. “I’m… I’m not in love with Allison! Really!” I said, trying to convince her, and when I really thought about it, perhaps I was trying to convince myself as well. Maybe I had always been trying to convince myself.

Carly nodded. “Yes. You are. You might not see it, but everyone else does. She’s so special and I know that she’s important to you. She’s more important to you than you realize. If you wait too long to tell her, you will regret it. I can promise you that.”

“Carly, no”, I protested. “Don’t leave. We can make this work. I… I… I’m not in love with… Allison.”

Carly just shook her head. She kissed me on the cheek. “Bye, Mikey”, she said quietly. “Take care of yourself, okay?”

I nodded. “Okay”, I said quietly. “You… you too.”

She opened the door, walked out, and was gone. Part of me wanted to feel sad, but a much larger part felt relieved. That actually made me feel a little guilty.

I stood in the living room staring at the closed door for a moment while I tried to gather my thoughts. “Oh, Shit”, I mumbled to myself. Suddenly, it hit me. I realized why I had been struggling so much with my relationships. I knew what I had to do. I went into my room to change, then headed for the door and ran the whole way to my car. I ran into Conor on the way.

“Hey!” He greeted me. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know yet”, I said. “There’s just something I need to do.”

“Okay”, Conor said. “Is Carly upstairs?”

“No”, I said. “You don’t have to worry about that anymore. She’s gone.”

“Gone?” Conor asked. “What happened?”

“Long Story”, I said.

Conor looked confused. “Where are you going?” he asked, as a smile started to spread across his face.

“I’ll tell you later”, I called over my shoulder, as I jogged to my car. I got in and started driving.

I arrived at Allison’s apartment building. I walked in behind a delivery guy, so I didn’t bother to call her on her intercom. I rushed upstairs and knocked on the door to her apartment. She opened the door and when she saw me, her mouth dropped open.

“Mike, what are you doing here?” she asked.

I didn't answer her right away. Wordlessly, I pulled her close to me in a tight hug. She didn’t react at first, but then I felt her hands on my back. She rested her head on my shoulder. I held her close so to me that could feel her heartbeat. I’ve heard it said, that when you’re with your soulmate, your heart rates synchronize. After a while, I wasn’t sure if the heartbeat I felt was mine or Allison’s. Finally, I whispered “Carly broke up with me.”

Allison pulled away slightly and looked up at me in shock. “What? Are you okay?” she asked.

I noddded. “I’m… kind of relieved, actually”, I admitted.

“What happened?”, Allison asked quietly.

“Everyone was right”, I said, as if that explained everything.

Allison was eyeing me carefully. “Right about what?”, she asked. She looked as confused as I felt.

“I’m in love with you, Schmitty.”, I replied. “I think I always have been. I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner.”

“With me? Are you crazy?” Allison asked.

“Crazy in love with you, Darling” I replied. Then I cringed when I realized how ridiculous I sounded.

I looked at Allison and saw that she was smiling. We both laughed.

“I love you too”, she replied quietly.

I wrapped my arm around her back and pulled her close to me again. “Schmitty, you are so special”, I said. “You’re smart, kind, talented, and beautiful… You’re everything that I want, and I’m so sorry that it took me this long to…”

“Mike”, she said quietly.

“Yeah?”, I asked.

“Just… shut up and kiss me”, she said with a smile

I smiled and nodded. I leaned in and kissed her, and with that one kiss, all of the confusion that I had been feeling for the past several weeks melted away. 

Allison smiled. “I ordered Chinese food”, she said. “Do you want to come inside?”

I nodded “That would be great”, I said. “I haven’t had much of an appetite for a few days, but actually I’m pretty hungry now.”

“Good”, Allison said with a smile. “I always order way too much, and I’m happy to share it with you. I did promise you a dinner after all…”

I smiled and followed her into her apartment. I made myself comfortable on her couch, and we were both pretty quiet while we ate. When we finished eating, we left the empty containers on the coffee table, and we both leaned back on the couch. She put her head on my shoulder, and I put an arm around her. She snuggled in a little closer to me. I squeezed her shoulder and kissed her forehead.

“So what now?” I asked quietly.

“I don’t know”, Allison said. “Can we take it slow?”

That’s exactly what I need after these past few months. “Perfect”, I sad quietly. “That’s perfect.”

Spending that afternoon eating and lying on the couch with Allison made me realize exactly what I needed to be happy. I felt full and happy. This will be good. Very good.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Merry Christmas, Baltimore](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2787533) by [TacoCat2020](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TacoCat2020/pseuds/TacoCat2020)
  * [Model Behavior](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5078479) by [TacoCat2020](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TacoCat2020/pseuds/TacoCat2020)




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